Don't Hedge

We all believe in various things. We spend our time reading ideas, talking to other people, and deciding what's important. We live by these ideas.

But if you ask someone what they believe to be true, they will make disclaimers like "don't take this the wrong way" or "don't judge me for this" or "I am generally not a fan of _, but...".

And it weakens their conviction. In their mind, do they make these kinds of statements? No.

They make these statements to avoid judgment. What if they are wrong about something they are about to say? This thing they feel so strongly about that it comes off as ideological ignorance? What would happen then?

Hedging Damages Your Argument and Yourself

But I learned that hedging is one of the most damaging things you can say to your argument and to yourself.

You weaken your argument because you are afraid to take a stance and believe in it. You lack conviction.

But even worse, when you hedge you are saying to yourself "what I believe isn't that important".

What I Learned From a Life Coach

Last year, I spent $15,000 dollars to meet with a life coach for 3 months and learn about myself.

It became clear after a few sessions that I hedge often. I would say something I know to be true, with a caveat that made it seem like I didn't believe it that strongly.

"We should all spend more time being bored. Being bored leads to creativity."

But I would start with "This might not work for everyone, but.."

See how weak my argument just became? I am not even taking a controversial stance here. My argument is "people who want to be creative need to spend time being bored". It's not political, sexist, extreme, unsafe, ...

But still, I hedge the argument to be more agreeable. Agreeable people don't have a stance. Their stance is to hope that others will agree with them, and if they don't, they will discredit their ideas to agree with those around them or hide their disagreements. Sad.

And once I saw this, I saw how common it is in others around me.

Social Media Gets This Right

And I saw how uncommon it is on social media. One thing that social media gets right is that people who attract a following learn that they are going to disappoint everyone so they might as well just believe what they believe. It's a common thread among all large influencers. They learn they can't please everyone.

Even Mr. Beast gets haters for this. He literally cured blindness for 100 people and was flamed because the video made money. Hello? If you can make money and cure blindness at the same time then that's a feature not a bug.

Conviction as a Filter

Further, having conviction works as a filter for the types of people you attract. Those who agree with you will naturally gravitate towards your ideas if you believe them strongly and they do as well. Those common beliefs are a great attractor which will source other like minded people to help you grow and build those ideas further.

In life I have discovered truths that I believe strongly. As I am searching for others who share those ideas I am validating what I believe. And I am finding likeminded individuals I would like to interact and learn from. It's only natural for me to do this as a human.

And those individuals are doing the opposite. They are sharing their truth and attracting me to them with their insights and beliefs.

And that's why, if you believe something, you don't hedge.